10 signs you have a loser boyfriend

After 22 years of dating, men, I've learned a thing or two between the good one and the bad ones.

The good ones ARE all around. They are the ones who walk you down the aisle and stick with you for 60 years, they change diapers in the middle of the night, they cook dinner on a random Wednesday for you and the kids and clean up afterwards, and they sit with you during "The Nutcracker" every Christmas for no other reason than they love to see you smile.

There are the bad ones too. They are the ones that live their lives for their nights in the bar, consider sports on tv more important than spending time with their family, think buying food from "Burger King", "Taco Bell" or "Kentucky Fried Chicken" night after night is a good thing for the kids, or bully their philosophy on religion down everyones throat.

But I'm not talking about those men, those husbands. I'm talking about the boyfriend, the what you get before you marry. The guy who everyone can see is a loser except for you, until it's too late. You know him, admit it, heck, you could be him. You may have dated him or are dating him now. Don’t worry, nobody blames you or judges you, we know why you are with him, at least until you come to your senses.

But there is the fantasy and the reality to a loser boyfriend. Here are 10 signs for spotting the reality of a loser boyfriend, and hopefully you'll be able to spot the fantasy too.

• 1. Fantasy – “He is the golden boy of your dreams.” – He’s fit, tan, young and your adoring Adonis. He only has eyes for you, and treats you like a queen.
  Reality – “He is a male slut.” – He looks good because he is that shallow, how else is he going to hook another one? As long as you’re putting out, he’ll put you on.
• 2. Fantasy – “He wants to take it to the next level, he wants to be serious.” – He wants you to be his girl because you’re really something special that he wants to hold on to.
  Reality – “He is marking his territory.” – You’re giving it to him, and he doesn’t want you giving it to anyone else.
• 3. Fantasy – “He’s really tired from a long day at work.” – He wants to cuddle with you because there is more to your relationship than sex.
  Reality – “He’d rather sleep than have another night of sex with you.” – He’s got what he wanted, and now he doesn’t want it anymore.
• 4. Fantasy – “He’s just hanging out with the guys.” – He’s taking a little ME time to bond with his best mates.
  Reality – “He just ran out of dollars at the stripper bar and will be taking another $20 from the ATM." – He’s priming himself at a strip club before coming home to you.
• 5. Fantasy – Cell phones, smart phones, or PDA’s on all the time. – He’s very important and needs these to be in contact with anyone, anytime.
  Reality – They are an electronic alarm system. – Those different ring tones have replaced the stars in a little black book.
  
• Let me do a little decoding for you:
  Mission Impossible ringtone = “Lays there like a wet fish.”
  Psycho ringtone = “Has sex like a wild banshee, but never take her home.”
  James Bond ringtone = “Latest ‘younger model’ pursuit.”
  
• 6. Fantasy – “No I am not having an affair! How many times to I have to tell you?” – He’s disappointed that you would think that about him and is now questioning YOUR loyalty.
  Reality – “Oh no, she knows! I’ll just keep shifting the blame to her, that’ll shut her up.” – Do the words, “I THINK THOU DOST PROTEST TOO MUCH!” mean anything to you? They should.
• 7. Fantasy – He sends you flowers with a card that says, “I love you I’ll be home soon”, from 2,000 miles away because he can’t be there due to work. – He’s finally come to his senses and realized he just can’t live without you.
  Reality – He needs you to look after the house, the bills, the dog, while he’s gone. – He’s giving it to the 20 something local girl he’s shacked up with and is now in stage one of this relationship with her.
  

Stage eight, nine and ten:

NO FANTASY

ALL REALITY

• 8. This can take a long time to actually happen, a woman’s intuition only lies to herself, but when she finally listens, watch out! Whatever your reasons for staying with him were, have now gone out the window.
• 9. That rodeo cowboy, biker dude, 19 year old virgin, rich oil man, are all looking like an hors d'œuvre platter with your name written all over it.
• 10. Before you do that, get the loser boyfriend right where it will hurt him. Take yourself shopping!! Then go back to that buffet bar of men you left waiting outside.
  

The next time you encounter a guy that tells you the sob story about the ex who cleaned him out, kicked him out or “cheated” on HIM, remember this story. There is most likely a reason it’s happened to him….

Oh, and that fast new sports car he’s driving, IS compensating for something!

~Tet~

10 reasons why I should wear a name tag

Growing up in Hawaii, a ‘haole’, I stood out from the rest of the kids. I was not short, I had blonde hair, green eyes and was rather unfortunately endowed, not a problem most Chinese, Korean or Japanese girls have. And being white didn’t help either, but that’s a whole other issue. My brother on the other hand looked just like the locals and fit right in. It helped that he was 6 feet tall, dark skinned, black hair and brown eyes. No one had a problem with his name.

Having the last name Tittle in school was no picnic for me. From the day I entered Ala Wai Elementary until my final days at McKinley High School, I endured 10 years of name calling, cat calls and just about any kind of reference to breasts you could imagine. All because of my last name and above mentioned physical attribute.

As I grew up, I realized it was just a name. But names shape us into who we are. When the taunts and jokes don’t stop, even when you’re over 40, you learn not to listen, or you make the joke first just to break the ice. Or sometimes, you don’t even give your last name, because it’s just too much trauma for 6 letters.

So I started to think, maybe I should just wear a nametag. I’m serious, not just as part of a job, I don’t have a job where I wear a nametag, I won’t ask you if you need fries with that. But I really do think I should wear a name tag everyday. When I leave the house, just like grabbing my purse and keys, I should grab my name tag. A name tag would make my life so much easier. It totally would.

Seriously…

1. When I go to the dry cleaner, I stand there and spell my name over and over. With a nametag they could never get my name wrong…on paper, because usually after 5 mins, they just write down my first name only.

2. With my trusty nametag they may still call me Ms. Tit-lay, yes, Ms. Tit-lay, when I check out at the grocers, but they’ll remember my name the next time after I correct them.

3. With a name tag, the guys at GameStop could get their laughs out long before I have to stand at the counter, say my name then spell it thru the snickers, when making a game reserve.

4. At a nightclub, you don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’. *points to name tag* My Name Is…, “Yes, really it is.”, “Yes, they are real.”, and “No, I don’t want to dance with you…now.”

5. A name tag would always answer the question, “Do I know you?” All without that embarrassing look on my face because I don’t know if I do…and if I should say anything or just play along.

6. I wouldn’t seem like the crazy lady in a floppy hat saying hello to you in the park. Well, I still would, but at least you’d know my name in order to report me. O_O

7. The postman would always give me my mail when I meet him at the mailboxes, instead of making me wait to put the little key in the little door on the little box.

8. When I’m out for a fancy meal, and I ask, can I get fries with that? I can get away with it.

9. On the phone, in the mail, anything sent to Ms. Tiddle, Piddle, (I know right?), Pittle, Tuttle, Turtle, Title, Titel, Little, because you think my name can’t possibly be, Tittle, would be corrected because right there in front of you is my name tag.

10. I wouldn’t have to do this everytime someone asks me to spell my last name: “That’s Tittle, like little, but with a ‘t’, like in Tom, T-i-t-t-l-e. That’s, T as in Tom, I, T as in Tom, T as in Tom, L, E.”

I really don’t think it would be so bad having a name tag on. Think about it if you had one, how much easier and nicer would things be? How much nicer would you be? Would you be more understanding of the 40 year old lady in front of you at the dry cleaners, grocers, GameStop, Sephora make up counter, will call at Sears, Ticketmaster, or any place where a last name is needed to make a transaction, spelling her name over and over again?

~Tet~

10 real differences in men vs. women

As my Mom and I were driving around today I actually had a little nasal drip happen with a stuffy nose (totally disgusting by the way), it dawned on me that it would have been so much better to be able to just spit it out than have to swallow it. Yes, I did, and it was just about as gross as you are imagining now. Well then I realized that THAT is a very male trait. In fact, there are many things a guy can do that I can't or won't do. I'm sure we all know the main one, and I'm going to address that, but with my slightly slanted view on things.

Through mythology and history we find countless stories of the greatness of men and being a man. Women have the ‘Cosmo test’ and ‘blonde jokes’ to their credit. Men have scaled the highest peaks and traveled around the world in 80 days. Women have tamed the platform heel and walked a mile in them. Men have Popes and Presidents. Women have “Hooters Girls” and the cast from “Sex in the City”.

Now, I'm not trying to say guys are better for being guys, but there are times I am a little jealous to be honest. The greatest compliment I remember receiving from a guy was, “If you didn’t have breasts, I could have sworn you were a guy.” In some weird way, I know that was a huge thing for him to say. But in the end it comes down to the fact that I am, just a girl.

The enigma of being a man is something women will never learn. Yes, men are a mystery. Think about it. What actually happens in the locker room? How do they do anything with that little hole in the front of their underwear? The speedo??? Where does all that hair growing in places that seem unnatural come from, and why does it end up on the sink, right where I’m brushing my teeth?

I just don't know.

So in no particular order, here are some things guys can do that I can't or won't and why I think these are the real differences in men vs. women:

1. Peeing anywhere/anytime, standing up - This one ‘gets’ women the most. You know when guys are peeing on the side of the road, there is always an empty driver’s seat and a woman in the passenger seat with her hand to head trying to cover her face as everyone drives by staring into the car. When I was pregnant and peeing every 15 minutes, being able to do this on those car trips would have been really nice.

2. Spitting or ‘hocking a loogie’ - It's the whole build up to the hock really. That disgusting guttural sound of phlegm and mucus being churned up and formed into a ball for proper hocking. Then it lets go with that resounding, flot!, as it flies feet away from you. For me, any attempt at spitting ends up with me running to the bathroom to get toilet paper to wipe any dribble from my chin. And under no circumstances would I purposely bring any kind of sick into my mouth for emptying.

3. Thinking farts and the word fart are funny - If I say that word just once in front of a guy, massive guffaws ensue. And what is the deal with out farting each other? You would never find a bunch of women sitting around letting one rip then expect a rating. Or, taking a lighter to their behinds and watching a flamethrower in action. And tenting! OMG!! Gross!

4. Killing bugs - I cannot do this! Fear grips me, I am immobilized! You smash it with a newspaper, then start chasing me around the room with the now dead bug between your fingers, laughing maniacally the whole time. What is wrong with you? I know I am not alone here, although, I know there are a lot of women that don't have any problems doing this, but will make you take out the garbage.

5. Not crying at sappy movies – I cried at “Up”, and some of the guys did too, but just some. What the heck? Why do guys hold in their emotions at something that so obviously calls for some kind of crying reaction? And I don't mean the gut wrenching “Saving Private Ryan”, “Black Hawk Down”, “A Perfect World” crying...I'm talking, “A Little Princess”, “Iron Giant”, “My Dog Skip” crying...

6. The three S's - Not you unibrow plucking, tan in a bottle applying, product using 'Metro-daddy's', I'm talking about real everyday men. You're done in 10 or 15 minutes, and you look great, except, are you really going to wear that? But here I am 45 minutes later still trying to get my hair right, I haven't even started my make up and OMG! Do I look fat in this dress?

7. Think being a lesbian is HOT and being a homosexual is disgusting - Do I even need to get into this? That's a double standard worthy of the most reprehensible of misogynists. The same guys who say ‘Hooters’ has the best chicken wings. Most women have the same opinion of both lifestyles, right, wrong or indifferent. They know that they are both the same, which they are.

8. WILL NOT change the toilet paper/replace a light bulb/look for the remote - One word, LAZY! (This also explains the holes and stains in the underwear he’s wearing right now.) Get up off the Lay Z Boy to change the channel and find the remote. Because seriously, I'm not sure how much more of that ‘P90X’ infomercial I can take before I throw a shoe at the TV.

9. Be sexually excited in 3 seconds flat – Watch this…Megan Fox. Did you see that? What is with that? Seriously, come on now! Why can't I do that? It takes me at least 15 minutes to be that excited, unless of course you're Hugh Jackman, and you're handing out breakfast at the premier of your new movie at 8:00 in the morning in Tempe, AZ, but you’re not.

10. Lie to us about being the most beautiful woman in the room, not looking fat in that dress, your hair really doesn't look bad cut short, your cooking IS the best, loving spending time with your family, not being upset about missing the first 30 minutes of the game to go to church with you - For this we cannot fault you, for this we say "Thank you dear for being such a good man!”

You guys are gross, beautiful, strong, weak, intelligent, dumber than a doorknob, but God blessed you with the heart and soul to put up with us! Because if it were a bunch of women running around and someone asked if they looked fat in this dress, the answer would always be YES! This is why, when we look at you, through all your machismo, we see the best part of our lives; YOU! We know we would be lost without you.

And still, there is nothing more fun than finding the differences in men vs. women. Why? Because you guys find new and interesting ways to be men, and us gals will find new and interesting ways to be women.

~Tet~

ps. Don’t worry, I’ll be back with 10 real differences in women vs. men

10 short and long term life goals worth working for

My favorite question in job interviews is always, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Honestly, I see myself as queen of my universe, but I’m not going to say that. So I pretty much answer where I see myself in the job, with the company, and life in general. Usually it comes down to one thing in the end, I just want to be happy. Pretty simple outlook on life really.

Like that letter you write to yourself in high school of what you want to be when you grow up and what you want to accomplish. It can be a surreal experience to read a part of your past, of who you were then and what’s become of the dreams and aspirations you put pen to paper to hopefully one day realize. These dreams and aspirations, short and long term goals, change the older we get, and no one takes into consideration the ups and downs, the unexpected, and the not wanted, that can happen along the way. Changing the course of even the most humble of goals.

Personal and professional goals that seem so important that day, can either grow or diminish the further we progress in life. Changes can happen in the blink of an eye and those dreams we have for our future can either come to fruition or come crashing down around us, with no warning. Whether those changes are good, bad or indifferent, one day you could be flying high in the boardroom, or sitting completely alone on a Friday night for the countless time. Life changes everything.

In my experience, how else can a person gauge themselves or be gauged by another if not on their goals? If a person has no goals for themselves, to find growth within before without, to better their own lives, what does it say of their character? So below is a list of short and long term life goals that are worth working for.

1. Short: Lose 10 pounds, okay, maybe 20. But really who doesn’t? Even those perceived to have nothing to lose want to lose that “last 10 pounds”. But for most, it would be a wise health choice considering the trend towards obesity in our world today.
2. Short: Be more confident and less afraid of failure. Within any life environment, you can expect not much less than perfection from yourself. This is not attainable and you must be more prepared to accept the mistakes that will be made.
3. Short: Move into your own home. After years of living your own life, in your own space, you have learned, you do not play well with others on equal territory. You have a lower tolerance of roommates who contribute nothing monetarily, socially or respectfully to your lifestyle.
4. Short: Become more proficient at what you do. Learn and understand the basic, and intermediate aspects of your profession. Assisting those in your field to feel more productive and supported in their endeavors. The knowledge you share is invaluable.
5. Short: Participate in continuing with your advanced education. ONLY then will you be able to realize your full potential for further growth within your company and your career. The knowledge you learn for yourself is valuable.
6. Long: Maintain a healthy lifestyle so that you don’t find yourself battling weight for the entirety of your life. Stay motivated and get to the gym often. Be able to pass up the McDonald’s on the way home, but for that occasional treat, as anyone deserves. Your body will thank you and reward you for it later.
7. Long: Be more confident and less afraid of failure. Hold yourself accountable or be proud of your actions in the world and how it affects the people around you. Your failures will disappoint you, but do not abide disappointment from others in them. They are what they are…learning experiences.
8. Long: Learn more about the world around you. Utilizing the human tendencies toward inquisitiveness, and curiousness would be a positive step forward for anyone yearning to find something more from life.
9. Long: Become a part of the universe. Through experience and observation, believe that you are enriching a part of the universe with your presence. From the fleeting smile given to another passing on the stairway, or bringing life into the world, you make a difference.
10. Long: Publish these little snippets of life and musings of life as I see it. See my lists of 10 interpretations on the everyday, mundane and unusual situations, people and general observations of everything in my world and in the world around me, for everyone to read, in a book. (Okay, this one was just for me, but feel free to have the same dream!!)

With this there should always be an overall goal to increase your knowledge, giving assistance to those around you, and loving everyday as it is to affect things as a whole positively. We are in a rare position from so many other countries and cultures, and by continuing to work on ourselves and together for the same values, we can make this a better world. I know that I will feel fulfilled and would say I enjoyed the time I spent here on Earth, knowing I was always working on my own goals and goals for us all.

Namaste.

~Tet~

10 ways of having fun, then and now

I previously wrote about what I know now and what I wish I knew then. It started me thinking that being older is really great! At the same time, I thought of more of the differences between then and now. The term, “it’s not the years, it’s the mileage” really starts to mean something here.

The meaning of fun changes with age, with money, with time or the lack thereof, and most of all, with husbands, wives, children and pets. There are so many ways to have fun but we find reasons not to. Travel becomes the thing we do before we take it easy and get back to work. Long weekends turn into “honeydew” lists. And what happened to plain old sitting in the park on a spring day, under a tree, with a good book and man's best friend at your side?

I’ll tell you what happened.

Big screen HD televisions, 999 channels on the satellite and DVR’s in every room. “XBOX Live parties” and “Second Life worlds” on line 24 hours a day. MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter has given rise to a new meaning of “hanging out with friends”. 'l33t' speak on internet forums has replaced writing letters to pen pals and watching “film adaptations” has replaced reading the classic book itself.

Well back in my day when we actually used to do things outside, with real people at real places, it was a heck of a lot different. But I also do hope none of you are doing some of the crazy things I did at such a young age. I just wanted to share some differences I have had in having fun, then and now:

1. THEN: Climbing trees – Because there is nothing more fun and frightening at 9 than getting to the highest limb. NOW: Climbing the stairs to the tenth floor – ‘Oh God…*wheeze*….please….let…. *cough* …..me….make…. *gasp* ….it?!?... (without passing out) – Because there is nothing more frightening at 39 than thinking you’ll have a heart attack in a stairwell.
2. THEN: Skinny dipping at the beach in the moonlight – Because I can. NOW: Lounging on the floaty at the apartment pool, fully suited – Because I can’t get myself into the skinny anymore.
3. THEN: Dancing the night away in gay bars – “It’s raining men, hallelujah, it’s raining men!” NOW: Dancing around the mess in my teenagers room – “Now your Mom threw away your best porno mag!”
4. THEN: Constantly on the go – I had places to be, people to see and things to do. NOW: Constantly on the couch – Nowhere to go, no one to see and I’m pretty certain I don’t have to do THAT anymore.
5. THEN: Playing depressing music by all my favorite New Wave bands – I am teenage angst, hear me whimper. NOW: Playing depressing music by all my favorite Trance bands – I am angst all grown up, hear me whimper. Well, some things never change…
6. THEN: Hanging out at the local record/book store – Cos I was cool like that. NOW: Hanging out at the local book/video game store – Cos I’m still cool like that.
7. THEN: Riding on a Harley – Sun, sand, surf, bugs, rain, broke down on the side of the road! NOW: Riding in an airplane – Much faster, plus my jeans don’t ride up in my crotch as much.
8. THEN: Drinking beer the entire night with friends – Sex and drugs and rock n roll! NOW: Watching “Friends” on tv, drinking Diet Coke – Cos “those” kind of friends I can do without.
9. THEN: Having sex all night with my boyfriend – Who needs sleep? NOW: Sleeping 8 hours in a row – Who needs sex? Well you know what I mean.
10. THEN: Hanging out all day at the canal, roller skating, fishing for crabs and jellyfish, playing jacks – I was a kid, that’s what kids do! NOW: Wishing I was hanging out all day at the canal, roller skating, fishing for crabs and jellyfish, playing jacks – I am an adult now, that’s what adults do.

So the next time you're having fun, remember it, and when you’re having a bad day you’ll have memories to make you smile. When some memory that breaks your heart creeps in, replace it with the first winter you ever made snow angels. Because trust me, all those moments will be nothing but priceless when you get older and will keep you going thru good times and bad.

As ‘Auntie Mame’ said: “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”

So I say, “Get out there and start eating!”

~Tet~

10 ways to bring out your Inner Chef

It used to be every woman knew, or was expected to know, how to cook…unless of course you’re French or from Louisiana, then it’s the man. But in these days of busy soccer moms, working girlfriends and the repercussions of the women’s liberation movement, a woman in the kitchen making 3 squares a day has become a distant iconic image of Norman Rockwell’s Americana.

Cooking is becoming a lost art form.

From the anthropological aspect of the social society to family bonding, cooking plays a very important role in our evolution. From our ancient ancestors we have the hunter/gatherer dynamic, and from our Nanny and Pawpaw we have secret family recipes. The latter is soon to follow the path of homo habilis when he learned to control fire. Only now, we’ve learned to control microwaves.

If you want to get the “family” back in your family meal, it starts in the kitchen. Below is a list of 10 ways to bring out your inner chef.

1. Planning-Why is cooking so underwhelming? Why does it take so long? Because you have no plan. Take two minutes a day to plan your next day’s meal. You’ll never make too little or too much.
2. Improvising-So you’ve got a plan, but now you’ve added too much butter to the cookies. Learning to improvise, you’d stick those in the freezer to firm up, or, scoop them into mini-muffin pans to keep their shape, instead of throwing them away.
3. Experimenting-Coming up with your own signature spice or perfect meatloaf takes time. Experiment with colors, textures, flavors, cooking times, and sometimes, toss convention out the window when you make a meal.
4. Tasting-This is very important! And the more people you have involved the better. Your New York cousin might not like what your Georgia peach of a best friend does. You’ll find balance to each individual meal with a simple “taste test”.
5. Refining-Conquering the fatal mistake of adding your garlic too early to your sautee has empowered you. You have refined the subtle nuances of that Chicken Moglai and can serve it to a small dinner party.
6. Perfecting-You have now become “famous” for your secret ingredient Spaghetti with Meatballs dish at the yearly neighborhood pot luck block party. Time to take it to the next level.
7. Sharing-Here you write down, on index cards of course, the recipe for that spaghetti dish and pass it out to a few of your friends and family members.
8. Involving-Gather your friends, family, and children into the kitchen, give them a wooden spoon or spatula to start their adventure in the kitchen. The smiles, laughter and love will be worth it.
9. Enjoying-Never forget to sit and enjoy the meal you have just prepared, whether just for yourself or the entire church congregation. It will create a healthier attitude towards cooking and strengthen loving bonds.
10. Making mistakes-You’ll never learn if you don’t make mistakes. Burnt fish fillets, undercooked pastas, overcooked vegetables, and flat soufflés are all part of mastering the art of cooking, even for your favorite chef, next door neighbor or Mom.

I hope this has opened your mind and stirred, all pun intended, something inside you to nudge your inner chef awake, or at the very least, the best darn cook on the block. The house where all the kids and neighbors congregate to enjoy the hard work and loving preparation of a good meal.

A meal where there is talk of the past, talk of the day, and talk of the future. We would pay respect to our ancestors well to remember this evolutionary leap for mankind called cooking.

Oh! And learn how to make a great Sunday morning breakfast! You’ll be a hero!!

~Tet~

10 definitions not brought to you by Merriam Webster

We use words everyday to convey what we are thinking and feeling to others thru conversation, to perform our jobs, to write an email, sing in the shower, or muse slightly on the world around us in a blog on a rainy Saturday evening. They can also be used to hurt, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, or not, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. They can be used to enlighten, “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent."¹, or to dominate, “Words build bridges into unexplored regions.”²

We don’t use words the way they are meant to be used on a daily basis, not only in these days, but in days past. Slang is as much a part of our vernacular as the word 'the'. Now, “sick” and “the bomb” mean a good thing, and “Omg! & LOL!” is understood by just about everyone on the planet who text messages. Sometimes this SMS language is being used in everyday spoken conversation in place of the actual phrase or even an actual laugh. But we use these words the way we’ve learned them, the way we want to, all to be understood and to express ourselves.

Which lead me to start thinking about what words mean to me, how I use them, and how I interpret them to others through what I say and write? I pondered the words for not very long, as these are not words I use everyday, but they are important to me. They are words I live my life by, but their definitions for me are without the help of Merriam Webster:

1. THOUGHT – What we give to others when they need it.

2. PATIENCE – The time between the bad times and the good.

3. TEMPER – Softening the hard edges of your words and actions.

4. IMPORTANCE – Knowing the difference between being and feeling.

5. ENLIGHTENMENT – Knowing you will never know everything about everything.

6. INSIGHT – Knowing that you will never see yourself the way others can.

7. DENIAL – A safe word for insecurity.

8. INSECURITY – Not accepting you are the most beautiful person you know.

9. KARMA – How much you like you, not how much everyone else likes you.

10. LOVE – What you find when you understand the meaning of thought, patience, temper, importance, enlightenment, insight, denial, insecurity and karma.

I hope you will find the definitions to the words that describe your life. Find the good, change the bad and understand the indifferent. When you find these meanings, share them, knowledge is meant to be passed on, they aren’t called “Words of Wisdom” for nothing.

And remember what William Shakespeare said, “Hear the meaning within the word.”, then endeavor to truly do so.

~Tet~

1. Dalai Lama
2. Adolph Hitler

10 ways how to not look cool on a Harley

You’ve heard it, that far off thunder rolling down the road. It starts as a low rumble and as it moves towards you, there is no denying the power vibrating from that signature engine. You’ve just been passed by a rider on a Harley. The last rebellious (socially acceptable) icon in western culture. Whether male or female, there’s nothing like it. With the black leather jackets, blue jeans and traveling party, who can disagree with the arguably cool “biker” persona?

The Harley Davidson Motorcycle has a rich history going back to 1901. They are not just the 1953 Marlon Brando movie "The Wild One". The movie, the biker gang, the rebel without a cause attitude, is not solely what owning a Harley is about. But it gave rise to a pop culture phenomenon which still exists today. The bad boy image of riding a motorcycle or more specifically, a Harley Davidson.

And as those teenagers in the 50's gave rise to the freedom loving hippies of the 70's, we were given a more mature flavor of the Harley rider in "Easy Rider". Now in the turn of the century, those rebellious, free love adults became part of the establishment and gave us "Wild Hogs". In essence, telling us that as they grew up, they became your dad, your uncle or your super cool next door neighbor, but they never forgot about Harley Davidson.

But of course, time and again we are brought back to the bad boy image of the Harley with movies and tv shows, most recently with, "Sons of Anarchy". An outer fringe of motorcycle riders perpetuating the bad boy, biker gang image. Great for tv, but it's not how every Harley rider is.

So to you dads, uncles, super cool next door neighbors, those riders who can identify and understand the beckoning of the open road, the wind on your face, and the feel of the V-twin engine between your legs, cruising with your best girl to your favorite hang out (Cook's Corner), or 1500 miles to Sturgis, South Dakota, this is for you. Those riders who have formed the bonds of brotherhood only other Harley riders know. You will know who I'm talking about when I list 10 ways how to not look cool on a Harley. Because admit it, you've seen the riders who've managed to undo 108 years of cool too.

1. 2. and 3. Red polo shirt, khaki shorts, white sneakers. That’s it, no helmet, no jeans, no boots, and for pete’s sake! A POLO SHIRT? This guy managed to commit the top three sins of being a bad rider all in one fell swoop. He gives new meaning to “fair weather rider”.
4. No helmet? No brain! Seriously, if you have anyone in the world who cares about you, even if it’s only a little dog or cat at home, wear a helmet. Just because your state allows riding without one, doesn't mean you should.
5. A trailer hooked to your bike. A Harley is about freedom, not tethering yourself to your material goods. If you have saddlebags on your bike, that’s all you need. If you need more, use one of those foreign cars you have sitting in the drive instead.
6. Tassels. If your bike or your clothes have tassels, you are not cool. Unless of course you’re a 10 year old girl from Ismay, MT, your bike is pink and comes with a little plastic flower basket and a bell.
7. Helmets with headphones. Again, it’s about freedom. Not talking about the dry-cleaning or the cost of your kids’ private school tuition. Cut the chatter and noise and listen to the road calling you.
8. Drinking and riding. NEVER COOL.
9. Revving your engine next to a little old lady. Really? Why did you have to go and do that? A dude in a suped up Camaro, a hot chick in a SUV, your Mom, I’m sure they can appreciate the awesome coolness of your over carbed engine. The little old ladies in the Ford Focus next to you, well, that’s just mean.
10. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning!! Try following a few simple courteous rules:

• Coast your bike into the garage if it’s that late.
• Don’t invite all your biker friends over for an ink party on a Tuesday night.
• Stop singing karaoke to “Freebird” over and over when you’re drunk.
• Tell those girls on the front porch to put their shirts back on!!
  

Having lived the life for a few years, this is what I have learned. Watching all the lawyers, execs, Rough Riders, and just plain old everyman bikers over the years, I can tell you that as a group they are the coolest and nicest people you’ll ever meet. Fellow riders will stop to help if they see you on the side of the road. They give you a little wave as you cruise on down the road past each other as a sign of brotherhood. They are respectful of other riders and drivers. They are a generous, kind and compassionate community.

But if you or someone you know can relate to one of the above traits, you are one of the uncool ones and are giving the rest of them a bad name. Stop it!

For the rest of you, “Live to ride. Ride to Live.”

~Tet~

10 ways to spot a Serial Rampist

That’s right, you read it right, R-A-M-P-I-S-T, not that other horrible type of serial someone…like I would even write about something like that…No!

Driving is an everyday activity for most of us, whether behind the wheel or in a passenger seat, rarely a day can go by that we are not in our cars driving to and fro on the highways and byways of this country. It’s hard not to notice the number of cars that fill the lanes, and the number of different drivers behind those wheels. Of the every kind of driver out there, it was a select few that caught my attention more than any other.

I’m talking about those certain drivers when you are approaching an on ramp, or off ramp, depending upon which way you look at it, that just can’t figure out how to smoothly get on, or off, or drive on the freeway near a ramp, no matter how hard they try. The drivers that you either shake your head and laugh at or just want to throw your steering wheel at when you see them.

But for those of you that have not had the opportunity to spot your local ‘serial rampists’, here are the most common signs to look for while on the road:

1. The out of state plates-Generally these drivers are from places like, North Dakota, Michigan or Illinois. Sporting blue hair or a personalized “CHZHD” plate, these drivers are seen most often in places where there is a high percentage of warmer weather during winter. You spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what those letters meant anyway? Leading to tell-tale sign #2.
2. The Snow Bird-Usually driving an RV, they fill the roads of your towns and cities when the weather is the best, and when you are out and about too. They have been known to run the red light leading to the ramp, but stop at the green to merge off the ramp. Leaving you wondering if they are indeed color blind? Often times this happens while placating the wishes of #3.
3. The female rampist-They can be easy to spot as they are usually only getting off for a potty break, but don’t like THIS exit. “Did you see that gas station? It looks like Norman Bates is the owner. I’m not going in there.” Exiting anyway, zooming across the over pass, they decide to get back on the off ramp until they find the exit that IS the best one. Quite possibly though, you’ve just passed #4.
4. The male rampist-Even easier to spot as they are normally seen on the side of the ramp peeing into the bushes with a frustrated and embarrassed wife or girlfriend still sitting in the car. They don’t care what exit they are on, the first one is always the best. Right guys? This guy is always better than #5.
5. The anti-rampist-You SEE them exit in front of you, but you immediately veer into the lane next to you as their distinct “Bondo” and primer grey ‘78 Camaro flies back onto the freeway FROM the ramp, crossing lane, median and all driving regulations to get there. Why did they do that? Are they the younger less patient predecessor to #6?
6. The signaler-Staying in the right lane, their signal stays on for every exit until they find the one they need. For miles that blinker stays on and your only wish is that they are actually getting off…this exit…no, this exit…no, this exit. Did anyone let them know about Mapquest? Or maybe they are trying to stay one step ahead of #7.
7. The quick ramp artist-This driver will zip off the freeway from three lanes over when even a smattering of brake lights appear ahead of them. Exiting onto the surface streets until they pass the jam, and then getting back on. Only to find they are in the same spot they were in if they had just stayed in the traffic. Idiot… These drivers create the monster that is #8.
8. The full stop rampist-This driver sees vehicles entering onto the freeway in an orderly fashion but somehow can’t manage to adjust their speed accordingly and comes to what is a complete stop to accommodate them, ALL of them. Much to your dismay as the next lane over is now moving at 65 mph with no chance of a lane change for you. But a chance for driver #9.
9. The motorcyclist-This driver is in a class of their own. Whizzing about on two wheels, passing you on the right, cutting in front of you with only inches to spare, zooming to the left, up the shoulder of the road or ramp next to you, wanting to get ahead of everyone. Deep down, you wish for a highway patrolman to be there waiting for them. Truly a menace that can only be out done by #10.
10. The big rig rampist-Quite possibly the most feared of all serial rampists. They own the ramps. Their rigs can be seen dotting any on ramp, off ramp, rest stop, roadside gas station, diner, casino, or Dairy Queen they want. Do not try to get into a merge battle with these 18 wheels of driving fury. Best to let them just go right on ahead.

If you spot or even encounter any of the above rampists, my only advice is to remember your initial training here today and do what you can not to engage these drivers near ramps where they have the most power. If you do, you might want to use your brights, a few hand gestures, maybe even a very loud honk or two to distract them long enough to make your get away.

Except for big rigs, leave them alone. Seriously! Have you seen Ice Road Truckers?

~Tet~

10 things I wish I knew when I was 19

For those of us at “this age”, we can remember that there was nothing you could tell us at “that age”. We knew it all didn’t we? But really, how little we knew, and don’t learn for years to come either.

This is not a list of regrets, although it could be seen that way, I’m glad I was the way I was, otherwise I wouldn’t know these things now and be able to say, hey, listen here!! Nothing worse than a hypocrite trying to tell you something they’ve never experienced, am I right?

So in some order, here are the things I know now that I wish I knew at 19:

1. I was gorgeous! – Only by the simple matter that I was young and had the rest of my life to deal with looks. Wish I didn’t obsess on it at a time when I didn’t need to.
2. You’re not alone. – No matter how bleak life can be sometimes, no one is truly alone. Reach out to someone near you when you’re down, you’ll be lifted.
3. The worst they can say is ‘No’. – If that’s the worst they can throw at you, move on. It’s not the end of the world and eventually, you’ll get a yes.
4. Some form of patience. – I don’t quite have this down as much as I would like even now, wish I had started earlier on this.
5. Save more money. – Nothing more frustrating than starting at 35 what you could have started at 20.
6. The first won’t be the last. – Never fall in love every time. You can end up with “a thousand wasted kisses”, and a broken heart, over and over again.
7. Laughter IS the best medicine. – Have fun, don’t be so serious, moody, brooding and angst-ridden all the time. But stay out of trouble.
8. Age is the great qualifier. – For everything you do, make the most of it. If you’re 19 and starting out, listen to the gray haired person teaching you the ropes, you’ll be them one day.
9. Faith can make you stronger. – I’m not preaching one religion over another, I don’t care what you believe in, as long as you trust me when I say, believe in something.
10. Family is everything. – Love them no matter what slight may happen. One day you’ll wake up feeling robbed after you’ve missed spending the holidays with your Father, or your brother become a doctor, or not speaking to your Great-Gramma for months, only to one day find them gone, with no apologies and no final words of “I love you”.

Not to get too melancholy, but remember that life is meant to be lived, never forget what makes you, YOU, in the time that you have. And share every possible moment of joy and all of its experiences with others whenever you can.

Cos I know now, that in 20 years when I look back and have 10 more things that I wish I knew at 39 that I’ll know at 59…I can’t wait to find out what it will be!

~Tet~