10 signs you have a loser boyfriend

After 22 years of dating, men, I've learned a thing or two between the good one and the bad ones.

The good ones ARE all around. They are the ones who walk you down the aisle and stick with you for 60 years, they change diapers in the middle of the night, they cook dinner on a random Wednesday for you and the kids and clean up afterwards, and they sit with you during "The Nutcracker" every Christmas for no other reason than they love to see you smile.

There are the bad ones too. They are the ones that live their lives for their nights in the bar, consider sports on tv more important than spending time with their family, think buying food from "Burger King", "Taco Bell" or "Kentucky Fried Chicken" night after night is a good thing for the kids, or bully their philosophy on religion down everyones throat.

But I'm not talking about those men, those husbands. I'm talking about the boyfriend, the what you get before you marry. The guy who everyone can see is a loser except for you, until it's too late. You know him, admit it, heck, you could be him. You may have dated him or are dating him now. Don’t worry, nobody blames you or judges you, we know why you are with him, at least until you come to your senses.

But there is the fantasy and the reality to a loser boyfriend. Here are 10 signs for spotting the reality of a loser boyfriend, and hopefully you'll be able to spot the fantasy too.

• 1. Fantasy – “He is the golden boy of your dreams.” – He’s fit, tan, young and your adoring Adonis. He only has eyes for you, and treats you like a queen.
  Reality – “He is a male slut.” – He looks good because he is that shallow, how else is he going to hook another one? As long as you’re putting out, he’ll put you on.
• 2. Fantasy – “He wants to take it to the next level, he wants to be serious.” – He wants you to be his girl because you’re really something special that he wants to hold on to.
  Reality – “He is marking his territory.” – You’re giving it to him, and he doesn’t want you giving it to anyone else.
• 3. Fantasy – “He’s really tired from a long day at work.” – He wants to cuddle with you because there is more to your relationship than sex.
  Reality – “He’d rather sleep than have another night of sex with you.” – He’s got what he wanted, and now he doesn’t want it anymore.
• 4. Fantasy – “He’s just hanging out with the guys.” – He’s taking a little ME time to bond with his best mates.
  Reality – “He just ran out of dollars at the stripper bar and will be taking another $20 from the ATM." – He’s priming himself at a strip club before coming home to you.
• 5. Fantasy – Cell phones, smart phones, or PDA’s on all the time. – He’s very important and needs these to be in contact with anyone, anytime.
  Reality – They are an electronic alarm system. – Those different ring tones have replaced the stars in a little black book.
  
• Let me do a little decoding for you:
  Mission Impossible ringtone = “Lays there like a wet fish.”
  Psycho ringtone = “Has sex like a wild banshee, but never take her home.”
  James Bond ringtone = “Latest ‘younger model’ pursuit.”
  
• 6. Fantasy – “No I am not having an affair! How many times to I have to tell you?” – He’s disappointed that you would think that about him and is now questioning YOUR loyalty.
  Reality – “Oh no, she knows! I’ll just keep shifting the blame to her, that’ll shut her up.” – Do the words, “I THINK THOU DOST PROTEST TOO MUCH!” mean anything to you? They should.
• 7. Fantasy – He sends you flowers with a card that says, “I love you I’ll be home soon”, from 2,000 miles away because he can’t be there due to work. – He’s finally come to his senses and realized he just can’t live without you.
  Reality – He needs you to look after the house, the bills, the dog, while he’s gone. – He’s giving it to the 20 something local girl he’s shacked up with and is now in stage one of this relationship with her.
  

Stage eight, nine and ten:

NO FANTASY

ALL REALITY

• 8. This can take a long time to actually happen, a woman’s intuition only lies to herself, but when she finally listens, watch out! Whatever your reasons for staying with him were, have now gone out the window.
• 9. That rodeo cowboy, biker dude, 19 year old virgin, rich oil man, are all looking like an hors d'œuvre platter with your name written all over it.
• 10. Before you do that, get the loser boyfriend right where it will hurt him. Take yourself shopping!! Then go back to that buffet bar of men you left waiting outside.
  

The next time you encounter a guy that tells you the sob story about the ex who cleaned him out, kicked him out or “cheated” on HIM, remember this story. There is most likely a reason it’s happened to him….

Oh, and that fast new sports car he’s driving, IS compensating for something!

~Tet~