10 real differences in men vs. women

As my Mom and I were driving around today I actually had a little nasal drip happen with a stuffy nose (totally disgusting by the way), it dawned on me that it would have been so much better to be able to just spit it out than have to swallow it. Yes, I did, and it was just about as gross as you are imagining now. Well then I realized that THAT is a very male trait. In fact, there are many things a guy can do that I can't or won't do. I'm sure we all know the main one, and I'm going to address that, but with my slightly slanted view on things.

Through mythology and history we find countless stories of the greatness of men and being a man. Women have the ‘Cosmo test’ and ‘blonde jokes’ to their credit. Men have scaled the highest peaks and traveled around the world in 80 days. Women have tamed the platform heel and walked a mile in them. Men have Popes and Presidents. Women have “Hooters Girls” and the cast from “Sex in the City”.

Now, I'm not trying to say guys are better for being guys, but there are times I am a little jealous to be honest. The greatest compliment I remember receiving from a guy was, “If you didn’t have breasts, I could have sworn you were a guy.” In some weird way, I know that was a huge thing for him to say. But in the end it comes down to the fact that I am, just a girl.

The enigma of being a man is something women will never learn. Yes, men are a mystery. Think about it. What actually happens in the locker room? How do they do anything with that little hole in the front of their underwear? The speedo??? Where does all that hair growing in places that seem unnatural come from, and why does it end up on the sink, right where I’m brushing my teeth?

I just don't know.

So in no particular order, here are some things guys can do that I can't or won't and why I think these are the real differences in men vs. women:

1. Peeing anywhere/anytime, standing up - This one ‘gets’ women the most. You know when guys are peeing on the side of the road, there is always an empty driver’s seat and a woman in the passenger seat with her hand to head trying to cover her face as everyone drives by staring into the car. When I was pregnant and peeing every 15 minutes, being able to do this on those car trips would have been really nice.

2. Spitting or ‘hocking a loogie’ - It's the whole build up to the hock really. That disgusting guttural sound of phlegm and mucus being churned up and formed into a ball for proper hocking. Then it lets go with that resounding, flot!, as it flies feet away from you. For me, any attempt at spitting ends up with me running to the bathroom to get toilet paper to wipe any dribble from my chin. And under no circumstances would I purposely bring any kind of sick into my mouth for emptying.

3. Thinking farts and the word fart are funny - If I say that word just once in front of a guy, massive guffaws ensue. And what is the deal with out farting each other? You would never find a bunch of women sitting around letting one rip then expect a rating. Or, taking a lighter to their behinds and watching a flamethrower in action. And tenting! OMG!! Gross!

4. Killing bugs - I cannot do this! Fear grips me, I am immobilized! You smash it with a newspaper, then start chasing me around the room with the now dead bug between your fingers, laughing maniacally the whole time. What is wrong with you? I know I am not alone here, although, I know there are a lot of women that don't have any problems doing this, but will make you take out the garbage.

5. Not crying at sappy movies – I cried at “Up”, and some of the guys did too, but just some. What the heck? Why do guys hold in their emotions at something that so obviously calls for some kind of crying reaction? And I don't mean the gut wrenching “Saving Private Ryan”, “Black Hawk Down”, “A Perfect World” crying...I'm talking, “A Little Princess”, “Iron Giant”, “My Dog Skip” crying...

6. The three S's - Not you unibrow plucking, tan in a bottle applying, product using 'Metro-daddy's', I'm talking about real everyday men. You're done in 10 or 15 minutes, and you look great, except, are you really going to wear that? But here I am 45 minutes later still trying to get my hair right, I haven't even started my make up and OMG! Do I look fat in this dress?

7. Think being a lesbian is HOT and being a homosexual is disgusting - Do I even need to get into this? That's a double standard worthy of the most reprehensible of misogynists. The same guys who say ‘Hooters’ has the best chicken wings. Most women have the same opinion of both lifestyles, right, wrong or indifferent. They know that they are both the same, which they are.

8. WILL NOT change the toilet paper/replace a light bulb/look for the remote - One word, LAZY! (This also explains the holes and stains in the underwear he’s wearing right now.) Get up off the Lay Z Boy to change the channel and find the remote. Because seriously, I'm not sure how much more of that ‘P90X’ infomercial I can take before I throw a shoe at the TV.

9. Be sexually excited in 3 seconds flat – Watch this…Megan Fox. Did you see that? What is with that? Seriously, come on now! Why can't I do that? It takes me at least 15 minutes to be that excited, unless of course you're Hugh Jackman, and you're handing out breakfast at the premier of your new movie at 8:00 in the morning in Tempe, AZ, but you’re not.

10. Lie to us about being the most beautiful woman in the room, not looking fat in that dress, your hair really doesn't look bad cut short, your cooking IS the best, loving spending time with your family, not being upset about missing the first 30 minutes of the game to go to church with you - For this we cannot fault you, for this we say "Thank you dear for being such a good man!”

You guys are gross, beautiful, strong, weak, intelligent, dumber than a doorknob, but God blessed you with the heart and soul to put up with us! Because if it were a bunch of women running around and someone asked if they looked fat in this dress, the answer would always be YES! This is why, when we look at you, through all your machismo, we see the best part of our lives; YOU! We know we would be lost without you.

And still, there is nothing more fun than finding the differences in men vs. women. Why? Because you guys find new and interesting ways to be men, and us gals will find new and interesting ways to be women.

~Tet~

ps. Don’t worry, I’ll be back with 10 real differences in women vs. men